distraught

Image result for billie eilish fan art

i dont wanna die
i just want to not exist
does that make sense?
for the earth to swallow me whole
to erase my past and present hole
to retract my future in a sheathed glove
i am just so tired of keep falling apart

killing myself would be a huge sin
ive known that
how could i not?
when every minute spent in His house
was filled with flying warning
about how ill be burning
if i ever choose to act upon this feeling
be it the wanting and loving i felt for him or her
to the desire of self-annihilating

You wanna know the most unfair thing?
is that i never asked to be born into this sinning,
into this empty longing.
then why the fuck am i the one suffering?
God, help me getting rid of this fear of living.

Yogyakarta, 12th of May 2018
13.13
**Pic isnt mine. Pic is of Billie Eilish tho i wish she is mine. Super talented artist. Go check out her songs!

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